GAIJIN SMASH POWERS:
This first category involves all powers that involve imposing your will upon the locals in order to gain (sometimes immoral) privileges.
GAIJIN BATTERING RAM:
Can you imagine plowing through the Metro gates back in North America? You'd get your shit busted in no time. It's impossible. However, in Japan (and I've witnessed this firsthand multiple times), if you're a person of a visible minority (White, Black, Latino, etc,) the option is yours to take. All you have to do is walk right through and ignore the siren. If the person standing watch calls out to you, pretend you didn't hear. What happens then? Well, the watchman will think you can't speak Japanese and won't know how to approach the situation. And that's it. You get through without a blemish.
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| It's my favorite one. |
GAIJIN RADIANCE:
If you speak English, you are capable of Gaijin Radiance. Use it. Go to a social event and speak to people in English. If they don't know how to answer you, apologize and find someone else. But if they do speak some English, well, you're suddenly more interesting than before. You're a radiant, mysterious foreigner who'll sweep 'em off their feet and take them to amazing places.
GAIJIN OPTICAL BLAST:
You're in a crowded place and you notice people staring at you because you're a foreigner. You whip around and make eye contact with someone staring -- and their eyes go straight down into the floor in shame: Gaijin Optical Blast. Japanese people are polite to a fault and will definitely be embarrassed if you hit them with an Optical Blast.
PASSIVE GAIJIN POWERS:
The second category involves all powers that cannot be turned on or off. You just have them whether you like it or not.
GAIJIN BRAIN SCRAMBLE:
You're a white guy and you want to try to ask a Japanese person directions. Thankfully, you can speak some amount of the language! So you go ahead and ask the question in Japanese, and you do so perfectly! But then, the other guy looks at you uneasily, squints really hard as if they're thinking, while saying, in English: "ah, mm, aah, this is a so hard...ah, mm, prease wait just one moment...mm..."
They know the answer, but they don't know how to say it in English! And yet they try really hard to, even if you asked the question in Japanese and would be okay with a Japanese answer! There you have it, Gaijin Brain Scramble. It's because they're so afraid of disappointing you by not speaking English that they will try incredibly hard even if they don't know more than a few words of the language.
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| Great Gaijin Perimeter, Julian! It's working while you sleep! |
GAIJIN PERIMETER:
You're on a crowded train, sitting down, and you notice that no one's sitting next to you! All the other seats are occupied, and the ones beside you are the last to be filled. Gaijin Perimeter! This happens because the locals are afraid you'll speak to them in English and they won't be able to answer. As a general rule, the Japanese are far from being a racist people; however, they are incredibly shy around foreigners.
HAMBUN POWERS:
This third category involves powers available to less-visible minorities such as Asians from outside of Japan, as well as half-breeds (hambun, literally "half") like myself.
HAMBUN CAMOUFLAGE:
You're with a group of foreigners and you walk into a bowling place. Your white friend tells the receptionist that the four of you would like to play. All of a sudden, the receptionist turns to YOU, the Hambun, and speaks directly only to you, thinking you are a fluent Japanese speaker! Hambun Camouflage, baby. It's a great ice-breaker when meeting people, but can act as a double-edged blade if you don't know much Japanese (like that one tragedy in Christmas.)
Yeah. I don't get to use most of these, or if I do, it's only to a lesser extent than other foreigners.
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